Trust .

Hello fellow readers, I have been away for a while but that is because nothing of importance has come about. Until now.

I have finally started to come out of my comfort zone and began to talk to other people. I once believed in love at first sight, how cliché, until many years ago too many people have hurt me and betrayed my friendship and so my lack of trust in people plummeted to rock bottom. Lately I have, admittedly, fallen in love with another but has been deceived. This has shattered my trust in people as a whole again because to me, if you truly respect somebody you wouldn't try to hurt them in any way. I had been speaking to this person for a while now until today. My old saying was "Don't depend on anyone in this world because even your shadow leaves you in the darkness" and stupidly I ignored this and thought I knew this person extremely well... but apparently not.

Who else has felt such great pain after being deceived? Who else felt betrayed and thought nobody on this planet was trust worthy? well today, that is me.

 I try not to trust too much, to love too much or even hope too much because that "too much" can hurt you so much. Even Snow White put too much trust in others and look what happened to her. I know it is only a story, a fairytale, but it taught me so much and that is to not put my trust on anyone but only to trust in myself. Trust that my actions will have positive consequences that I will be truly grateful for. But until then I cannot trust another soul.

Sorry to be the bearer of such a low and negative post but I felt it was something I needed to openly admit and express through words. I hope none of you fellow readers will betray or get betrayed.

Stay safe.

The Awkward Situation.

Hello lovely readers, I thought I should touch upon something that everybody hates... the awkward situations. The moment you talk to someone you thought was another person you knew but was really a random stranger or when you wave at someone thinking it was your friend. Yeah, that just happened to me!

Walking through Cheltenham town minding my own business and then I thought I saw one of my friends. So as you do you get a bit excited and so you sort of do I quick shuffle over and grab them by the shoulder and scream to make them jump.... to find out it isn't actually the person you thought it was, but was actually a woman -probably late 40s- with her child. You're probably thinking "but if she was with her child how would you have thought it was your friend" well I shall answer that now. The small human was with her, what I guess, was her father and so they came out of the shop whilst I scare her and she screams, I laugh and the father and child stood staring at me like I was mental. She turns around and my face just drops. What have I done! Is all that is going through my head. I go bright red and apologise until I lose oxygen in my lungs and tried to explain why I scared her. 

Thankfully she was very nice about it but I am still shocked.

I thought I woupd share this little mishap I had with a stranger and I hope you never have the same story I just had. Let me know if you have.

Have a great day.

Remedies, Remedies Everywhere!

Hello there lovely readers, so today I thought I would show you some of the natural calming remedies I use for coping with anxiety attacks. All of these remedies are super cheap and certainly effective at keeping you feeling well and fit and ready for the new day ahead. I start my morning with a mug of green tea. I don't usually buy anything special when it comes to green tea because personally it all tastes the same, so I buy Tesco's finest and it is delicious!

When I have finished college or a long day of working on sketchbooks and college work I like to have a small mug of Lemon & Ginger tea from TWININGS. I personally prefer this brand for their lemon and ginger tea because it isn't super strong nor too weak but just right with a nice gentle hint of flavours and not a punch-in-the-face sort of thing. I just particularly love the little spiciness you get from the ginger that warms the back of your throat. In actual fact I am writing this blog with a hot mug of this with a teaspoon and a half of honey mixed in with it just to make it a bit sweeter for my taste and also going to help me prevent a cold. Lovely!

Just before going to bed I like to take a small mug of Calming Camomile from TWININGS. This again isn't too strong nor too weak. Camomile is good because it helps with:

• Insomnia and other sleep disorders
• Anxiety and panic attacks
• Muscle twitches
• Wounds, burns and scrapes
• Skin conditions such as Psoriasis, eczema, chickenpox and diaper rash
• Stomach problems such as menstrual cramps, stomach flu and ulcers

I will agree that it isn't the nicest of tastes but if it keeps me well then I am taking that stuff.

I do not usually have all of these in one day but I will often break it up into certain days I will do this process and then other days I will take Bach's Rescue Remedy, which was suggested by a few of my friends and my lecturer and so I now take this with me wherever I go because you just add a few drops to your drink, or straight but be warned as it tastes very, uhm, floral I guess, and hey presto you have yourself a nice relaxing drink. This will definitely be coming with my to London on Thursday.

Have a great day.

Anxiety!

Hello there lovely readers, I wanted to share with you one of my biggest problems I face right now and that problem is anxiety! If you are not aware what an anxiety is, thanks to Google:

Anxiety (n) 

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

Do not think because you are feeling a bit worried about something, e.g an exam, that it is a severe form of anxiety because what you are feeling is normal and completely relatable.  I wanted to focus on the real anxieties that make a human suffer so much it stops them dead in there tracks and makes them feel like they are going to explode with too many emotions at once. I sadly have to suffer with this mental illness that plagues me from time to time. Nobody truly knows what can trigger an anxiety attack, or most commonly known as a "panic attack", because each anxiety attack is interchangeable and can be triggered from thin air.

Let me put it into perspective. Have you ever felt like it was going to be a superb day and so you are doing your thing and then all of a sudden you start getting slight shakes. You think nothing of it and just carry on. Then you start feeling really hot, and I mean REALLY hot, until your palms get soaked in sweat. You then feel your heart beating so hard in your chest that you end up breathing uncontrollably. You try telling yourself to calm down but it just seems to get worse the more you reject it. You feel completely paralysed, dead in your tracks, and you try to let out a noise but nothing seems to come out but gasps of air and tears. When you finally catch your breath you get a tingling feeling move over your body like a heavy cloud and you just scream, nothing else but tears and screams. You are in trauma.

Lightening the mood now, once you are over the anxiety attack you will always wonder what could have brought it on but you carry on with your day, still shaking, but carrying on.

If you have ever felt like this then I understand what you are going through and I was told today that it does get better even if you think it couldn't possibly get better. If you do have an anxiety attack do not keep it to yourself but go tell someone you can trust as it does help a million to not be so ashamed of having one.

Have a great day.

A Little Bit About Me!

I'm gonna start this off on a light not and say hello fellow bloggers. I never thought I, of all people, would do this but I guess I have too many experiences, feelings and just great stories to tell that I thought, hmmm, why not? Well anyway let me begin by saying who I am. My name is Ben Green, I am from Gloucestershire in England and I want to get into Fashion editorial. I am currently studying Fashion Design at Gloucestershire College and am thoroughly enjoying every minute of it, even if it does get stressful at times. I am 16 and all I want to do in life is achieve. I am not a massive writer and I just prefer getting straight to the point in anything I say r do so there are ups and downs with being me and we shall experience those things together.

Now to get into my personal life that not many people know. I have a problem with my stomach and intestines that cause me to be in excruciating pain and also stops me from doing anything. Most people don't understand and think I am just skipping college but if you have been in that situation where you are in so much pain that all you do is curl up into a little ball in the middle of your bed and just hibernate from the world for the day then yeah, I feel you. I also have quite a big anxiety issue when it comes to meeting people and I just always stick work into my face to try and hide the fact they are noticing me. The amount of times someone has got to want to know me and I have just thrown it in their face by saying "I have work to do" or "yeah, I am super busy today and the rest of the week. I will have to see how much of my college work I finish before meeting you" is just absolutely crazy. I have to apologies to so many people because I have hurt them without knowing by pushing them away before actually getting to know them and it just makes me feel like such an ass. I have had some really rough moments with family issues and thankfully my parents overcame them slightly to stay together as a married couple which I am thankful for because Lord knows what I would be like socially if they ever did divorce. I have serious trust issues which at times is good because I get out of bad situations but also inconvenient at times because I don't trust anyone except for one person who shall remain nameless.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know me and I have no idea how long these blogs can be before they get annoying and boring so I shall leave it there.

Have a great day.